i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
