You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
