Cold hands, warm shart.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
