great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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