Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
