Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize