the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
