i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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