You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
