yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
