Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
