I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
