So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
