I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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