why do cheetos always look like penises
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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