Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
