New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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