your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
