Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
