I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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