yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
