you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
