I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize