I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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