Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
