im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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