And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm jealous of your bromance
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
