am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
