the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
