So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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