Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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