Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
