it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
