There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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