i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
