Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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