New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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