Porn is love you can see.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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