Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
