I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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