watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
