So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
