Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize
