Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
