My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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