From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
