i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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