so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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