My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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