you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
