four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
