Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
