that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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