I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
