i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
