with your own penis?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
