That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
