upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize