You really coming over, don't trick.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
