I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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