I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
