i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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