the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize