When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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