someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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