Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
