It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
