The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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