wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
