At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
