Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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