You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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