im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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