OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize