he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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